all dogs go to heaven

I haven't written in a while.

All hell kind of broke loose in our life since the last time I did write.

Over a month ago, our sweet pup Luna started having seizures. Now for a 10 month old puppy, that is suuuuper rare. Normally epilepsy develops at the earliest 2 years old in dogs, and that doesn't happen very often so young. They mentioned the possibility of a brain tumor causing it, but there was no way to know without an MRI (a $2500 MRI, I might add). So we got her on some epilepsy meds to see if that helped.. the seizures kept happening. She had them pretty regularly, with a really bad day every 6 to 7 days apart.

So while all that is going on, and I'm puking all the time (remember our sweet, sweet little accident on the way? Yeah.), we went to Texas for Chett's brother's wedding. It was beauuuuutiful. The most simple, tender ceremony I've ever been to.

We made it back to Utah in time to make up the hours we missed in Texas (they got married on a Wednesday and so we were gone Tuesday-Thursday). So I worked on Friday (don't normally do that, but happy to make the "sacrifice" haha). On my way home around 2:45 in the afternoon, I got hit by a drunk driver. This uninsured, unlicensed, with no license plate on his car, so-drunk-he-couldn't-stand-on-his-own man totaled our beautiful Subaru that we had just barely had for one year.

AT TWO IN THE AFTERNOON HE WAS THAT PLASTERED.

As soon as I filled out the police report and watched them take away our beautiful car, and as soon as Chester made it to the scene we went to the ER to make sure baby and I were okay. Oh! Side note before I forget -- there were three people in the car that hit me and they had guns, but by the time the cops showed up there was only the driver left.. Yeah. Sketchy. We live in the ghetto.

Anywaysssss, went to the ER and they didn't even do an ultrasound because I was "too early". I was 8 weeks at the time, the heartbeat is completely audible by 8 weeks in case you were unaware. So this doctor just tells me to look out for bleeding and heavy cramps, physically checks my back and neck since X-rays would harm baby. Says nothing seems broken or out of place and tells me to take tylenol, and sends me home.

I was not a happy camper leaving that hospital.

Luckily I had an appointment with my OB on the following Tuesday. We got to hear baby's heartbeat. All healthy. That was the happiest three seconds of my life. Of course I've had several mental breakdowns since because I feel way too young and not ready to be a mom and hearing the heartbeat made it all real (not even the puking made it real), but that's a different story.

Then we welcomed home Chester's brother from a two year long mission for our church that Wednesday.

Then come Saturday, Chester's sister's wedding.

Keep in mind, all of this is going on while Chester and I are working full-time and Chett is also taking 15 credits at school... just let that soak in. Also Luna's seizures are still going. She also started limping and would only eat one meal a day. Not normal for a 70 lb german shepherd golden retriever mix.

Anyways. Sophie and Marshall's wedding. It was PERFECTION. The most beautiful reception I have ever seen.. so jealous. Not gonna lie. Our phones were off during the ceremony, and as we walked out and turned our phones, we were bombarded with texts and missed calls from my brother who was with Luna.

She was having her second seizure of the day and it wasn't stopping. By the time we got ahold of him he had already brought her to the vet and told us that her seizure had lasted over 20 minutes. And while we were on the phone she started having another seizure in the back after they had her on an IV. We rushed to the vet and had to make some tough decisions. She had yet another seizure while we were on our way there, they finally gave her meds that knocked her out and that's the only thing that got them to stop.

The doctor came in and told us that she had developed a pattern. Pretty much every weekend she had serious episodes of seizures, so serious that she needed to be hospitalized. He said this was going to keep happening her whole life, and possibly get more serious. She was suffering, we had to watch, our bank account was feeling it, and he also mentioned that having a 70 lb seizing dog in the house with a new baby isn't wise. He basically told us we had the option to hospitalize her every week for a couple days, not knowing how long she would live, or we could let her go. He said he would have her brought in and let us think about it.

Talk about some hard decisions.

For about an hour we cuddled our girl and cried. All three of us. Luna and my brother were best friends. She was our baby. We all knew what needed to happen but weren't really ready to accept it. We realized that the best option was to put her down, even though it meant losing her. Right then, our puppy who was completely knocked out, got up, and legs shaking with every step, went around and gave us kisses. Going from Chett, to Seth, to me, and around and around until she had no more energy left. It was the sweetest thing I've ever been a part of.

I'll save you the rest of the story. It was hard. Going home was the hardest. It's been almost two weeks and our apartment still feels.. empty. But we've got each other and we are taking each moment as it comes.

So, kind of a debbie downer post, but life gets hard sometimes. Really hard. I'm trying to make it into a physical therapist for my back and neck with no luck, trying to paint more because I gave all my free time to being with Luna bear before, and just working on moving forward.

And sometimes, that's all you can do.